We Have Lots of Stuff to Get Appraised

If my previous post didn't tip you off at all, I'm really into video games. So it goes without saying that the movie Grandma's Boy has become a personal favorite of mine. Despite my lack of interest or knowledge of pot culture, I am really into video games and have seen friends act in many of the ways that the employees of Brainasium were prone to acting, so I connect with the movie. I also lived with my grandma for a week once and it was pretty much the same thing only less pot. And it was in Pennsylvania so there was less to do. And I was like 11. Basically it was nothing like the movie.

I do love the movie Grandma's Boy and I watched it not too long ago with my roommates. Remember that part in the movie where grandma, Bea and Grace are watching Antiques Roadshow and they're completely baffled about people getting so much money for their useless junk that they had laying around their houses? That was funny right. My roommates and I watched the movie and laughed. A few days later...

We were watching Pawn Stars on the History Channel and one of my roommates says: "Pawn Stars is like the Antiques Roadshow of our generation." I stopped dead in my tracks (probably of eating some Doritos) and stared, mouth agape. My shock wasn't insult. It was revelation. Pawn Stars is the Antiques Roadshow of my generation, and I'm ok with that.

For those not familiar (I still don't know who you are, but I may hate you), Pawn Stars is a show on the History Channel about Rick Harrison and the pawn shop he owns with his dad Richard in Las Vegas. His son Corey is the manager of the store and Corey's idiot friend "Chumlee" works there as well. The exploits of the show highlight mostly the store's interaction with people who want to sell their stuff. Most of the interactions take place in the store, though on occasion they will travel out to a location to check out an item that someone is trying to off-load on them. Usually the customer brings in something and Rick will take a look at the item. He'll give some information and fun facts will appear on the screen about the swag and then inevitably, Rick will determine that he doesn't have the knowledge needed to accurately determine the authenticity of the item or have any clue what the item is worth, so he brings in an expert.

The experts are some of the best "characters" in the show. My personal favorite is an employee of The Gun Store in Las Vegas who knows a lot about antique fire arms and also lets them test fire the old guns they bring into the store. The Gun Store is somewhere that is on my itinerary for when I go to Las Vegas, so seeing that it's also involved in the show is pretty cool.

These experts have some of the most ridiculous "specialties," like the guy who was an "expert" in the rodeo or rodeo history or something. Rodeo history... really? They come in and talk to Rick and the item's owner about what swag is and how to tell if it's real or not. The experts always give some inflated price that you could get for the item if you took it to an auction where crazies that like chaps worn by Roger Rodeo in 1943 go to spend inappropriate amounts of money for some collectible junk.

It's important to remember at this point that Rick has probably asked the customer what they were looking to get out of the item and they generally say something reasonable like 200 bucks or something. Once they find out their Civil War saber can be sold at auction for 2000 bucks, they always ask for that amount. Being the good business man he is, Rick always reminds them that he has a store to run and has to make a profit. He will cut the price down a ridiculous amount. Using the previous example, we're talking something like 300 bucks for the Civil War saber. The customer looks disgusted and offended by the offer, and then they square off, going high and low until they settle in the middle. Rick buys the item (usually) and the customer walks off happy. The post-sale interview always reveals them saying something like "...with the economy the way it is..." or "...I think it was a little low but..."

Sometimes owners don't sell their stuff to the shop because they want too much money or Rick tells them he doesn't want their junk. These people always walk out of the store feeling like they were ripped off somehow. Basically, no one really leaves the store happy unless they just got WAY more money than they ever would have expected and they really just wanted to pawn the item for 200 dollars but got 2000 for it.

I assume that I digress. Antiques Roadshow: old people take in their junk they have laying around and find out that it's worth a lot. Pawn Stars: lots of people take in their junk they have laying around and try to get a lot of money for it with mixed results. This is why Pawn Stars is the Antiques Roadshow of our generation. The concepts are very similar where people take junk into a place and find out how much it's worth. The difference is, in Antiques Roadshow they weren't heckling to try to get more money and they weren't trying to walk out with a profit, they were simply fishing for information. And for our grandparents, that was sufficient for them to be entertained. But this is a whole new generation where we need action and we need conflict. We like hearing Rick get pissed off because his son is an idiot or telling someone that their item they brought into him isn't worth crap to him because he won't be able to sell it (I'm talking to you Jimmy Hoffa photo album guy!).

I feel old when I watch the show because I'm looking at all of the cool stuff that people have and I'm really interested in how much money they get for it. I'm invested emotionally in how much money the store is going to make, how the back room looks, and if that guy's 1662 sun dial is real and if it's worth a lot of money (it is). This emotional investment comes from real people, not from some stupid faked show like Jersey Shore where the drama and emotion in the show is made up for the enjoyment of MTV's viewing audience. The people on Pawn Stars are really trying to get a little cash out of their items and when they don't, they're legitimately upset. When they do, they're legitimately happy. It makes me wonder what junk I might have that I could take in to sell at my local pawn shop.

Then I realize a couple quick things:

1. My local pawn shops deal in rusted bikes and broken Super Nintendo games. They aren't dealing like this shop in Vegas is with Olympic Gold Medals, Super Bowl Rings, and ancient arms and armor.

2. I don't have anything worth while to take in, even if my local pawn shop didn't suck. I have some books that I got from a used book store and I have some other things, but I've never come across a fighter jet ejection seat that I could buy for my house. I've never come across an old WW2 bayonet in good shape that I could take in and try to sell for a lot of money. Nothing I have would get me any more than a couple of dollars at Rick's Pawn Shop. They would probably laugh me right out of their store, even if I was willing to trade my items for some of the stuff they had around the store.

If you're ever surfing the channels and you're tired of watching drunk New Yorkers acting like they're from Jersey or watching people make idiots of themselves for a couple thousand dollars, switch over to the History Channel and catch up with the Harrison's as they continue on their quest to be Pawn Stars.

Eventually we're going to get a bunch of cool crap and take it in and get it all appraised. And then grandma will drink our pot.

From my table to yours!